Spending time with family is a big part of the holiday season. This can be good, or it can be stressful depending on a number of circumstances. One issue is when your family is unsupportive of your parenting choices.

If your relatives don’t support breastfeeding, or breastfeeding in public, or breastfeeding past a certain age, you may encounter criticism or unsolicited advice. Nothing makes the relatives choke on their turkey dinner like feeding the baby anywhere and anytime, it seems!

Breastfeeding and Unsupportive Family

Your breastfeeding can bring up issues in your family. Any mother who knew consciously that breastfeeding is right and good for her child, and that formula is very much sub par, and yet didn’t want to breastfeed, may have defensiveness around the topic. Meaning she can’t think rationally, only emotionally. Hence she may have a problem with you breastfeeding around her. This may be your sister, Aunt, Grandmother, Mother-in-Law, or any other female relative.

And those mothers who knew breastfeeding is best but who lacked good information and support and therefore failed in her attempts to do so, will also have sadness and grief. This is the same kind of feeling you may get around a friend who struggles with infertility, and you’re pregnant. Again.

It grieves me to see the lengths women sometimes go to to avoid breastfeeding in public. Where else should a woman feel safe to nurture her baby than around her family?

When it comes to family being unsupportive of breastfeeding, my advice is to work within your own comfort level. If feeding the baby in the same room as your family will cause you to have toxic emotions and total discomfort, then take it elsewhere. It’s not a political statement to duck into a spare bedroom to nurse your baby in peace. Many people will assume you are putting the baby down for a nap or changing a diaper and won’t bring up breastfeeding. If your mind and emotions will be so disturbed by the possibility of questions and criticism, that isn’t good for your health or baby’s.

With younger babies, you may be able to be discreet and nurse wherever you are, just turning away from the group for a moment to latch on, then settling your clothes around baby’s face. Older babies, of course, are often difficult to breastfeed discreetly. In this case I recommend using a baby sling. Many times I have breastfed a baby in a sling and nobody was the wiser.

A nursing cover may make you more comfortable, but in my opinion these often look like a neon sign that flashes “we’re nursing under here!”. If you’re expecting criticism due to nursing your toddler, read more tips on closet extended nursing here.

It’s also a good idea to practice a few phrases you can use when family is unsupportive or critical of your breastfeeding. Such as:

“Mother in law, I appreciate how concerned you are about baby Johnny. Our Doctor has assured us that little Johnny will get plenty to eat if he is breastfed on cue, without any supplements, and that it’s best to delay solids until 6 months. We’re trusting his advice. We appreciate your input. ”

This “Doctor” could be one whose advice you’ve read in a book. It doesn’t matter. What matters is that the other person feels heard, but that you don’t acquiesce to their wishes but reaffirm your position as the final authority on your child.

Recommended article on the Leaky Boob: Unsupportive Support

See also: Breastfeeding and family support

Breastfeeding around the holidays

How did you handle family who is unsupportive of your breastfeeding?

Traditional Medicinals is generously offering a free coupon on their Mother’s Milk tea.

The coupon is for $1.50 off. At Publix grocery stores in the southeast beginning Wednesday or Thursday, the boxes of tea are on sale for $3.29 each, making this a particularly great deal if you have a Publix nearby!

Mother’s Milk tea contains herbs that are commonly used as galactagogues. Meaning, they have traditionally been used to increase milk supply.

Go here to download the coupon:

Traditional Medicinals Mother’s Milk Tea coupon.

You might also want to read:

• Breastfeeding herbs
• Breastfeeding tea
• Traditional Medicinals Organic Mother’s Milk Tea

GIVEAWAY! Details below.

Undercover Mama is a unique strapless undershirt that attaches to your nursing bra. This makes it easy for you to breastfeed without showing your stomach or side.

As you can see in the first pic below, it attaches to any nursing bra (there is a “hook” style and a “loop” style attachment available, the hook is shown below).

When it’s time to feed the baby, it opens with the flap of your nursing bra. The rest of the shirt stays down against your belly and sides. So, you can wear any shirt you want and still be able to nurse comfortably.

Here is a full pic of the Undercover Mama:

To enter to win the UnderCover Mama, go HERE.

The contest will run for one week, until Thursday, August 18 at Noon Eastern time. The winner will be notified at that time.

Here are some of my favorite tips for nursing in public.

- Nurse at the first signs of hunger. A nursing baby generally draws less attention than a screaming one! So latch your baby on as soon as you notice that s/he is hungry…rooting, sucking on fist, grimacing face, etc. A crying baby also makes you nervous and you and baby may take longer to get latched on comfortably.

- Bring a book or large purse to set in your lap for camouflage. Your diaper bag would also work. Set it in front of baby on your knees while you latch baby on. Or hold a book so that your baby’s head and your breast are out of view.

- Practice latching your baby on quickly and discreetly in front of a mirror at home, so that you know how to do it without anyone really noticing when you’re out and about.

Again, to enter to win the Undercover Mama, go HERE.

Natural Baby Colic Remedies

Having a colicky baby is every new parent’s nightmare. Baby colic is defined as a baby who cries for no apparent reason, even though the baby feeds and is otherwise healthy, for three hours a day, three days a week, for three weeks. Among doctors, this is known as the “rule of three.”

There are a few different suspected causes for baby colic, many having to do with the baby’s digestive system. Some experts feel that colic is usually caused by gas, by an immature digestive system, by the baby swallowing air or by trace substances passed through the mother’s digestive system and into the breastmilk.

How can you remedy baby colic? Here are a few tried and true natural methods.

Colic Calm Gripe Water

This is a popular product on the market. It’s completely homeopathic, meaning it doesn’t contain any unnatural chemicals. Its primary ingredients are baking soda and essential oils. Mothers who’ve used grip water have found its success rate to be quite high.

Gripe water can relieve your baby’s discomfort in just a few minutes after ingestion. Keep in mind that it should only be used when necessary, as baking soda can upset your baby’s stomach’s acidity balance.

Baby Massage

Get a book or two on baby massage. Giving your baby’s tummy a nice, relaxing massage can really help calm your baby down. Also try giving your baby a warm hot water bottle to hold. Put hot water inside the bottle, wrap it in soft blankets and let your baby hold it against its stomach.  Take care that the bottle feels warm, not hot, to the skin. ** This should always, always be done with adult supervision.**

Babywearing
Babies who are “worn” against the adult caregiver cry less. For some, the constant motion, upright position and closeness are enough to “cure” the colic. Read more about babywearing here. The best tool for babywearing in terms of helping a colicky baby is a soft cloth carrier such as the Sleepy Wrap.

Allergies

If your baby is breastfeeding, try cutting dairy from your diet. Your baby could be intolerant to cow’s milk or other forms of dairy products. Trace amounts could be making their way to your baby through your body. While it’s generally not recommended for a breastfeeding mother to restrict her diet unnecessarily, (read: the best diet for breastfeeding mothers), allergy to cow’s milk is probably the most common allergy among babies.

Breastmilk v Formulas

If your baby is using a baby formula, consider switching to just breastmilk, which is far easier to digest. Keep a supply of pumped breast milk on hand for when you must be away from baby. If pumping isn’t working out for you and you must use formula, try switching brands. Ask your baby’s Doctor about this. Some babies are sensitive to certain formulas but will do fine on another.

White Noise

Try a white noise CD or machine. A white noise CD is basically a recording that sounds like what your baby heard while it was in the womb. This may help calm your baby down. White noise machines or CDs can be purchased online, or at a baby store.

Any one of these natural  techniques may cure your baby’s colic. It’s also possible that none of them will work and you’ll just have to wait it out. Start by trying babywearing; then if that doesn’t work, experiment with some of the other techniques.

Placing your new babies skin-to-skin, with their belly on your chest has a lot of benefits to it. If possible, skin-to-skin contact should occur immediately after birth. It’s what the newborn babies want and need. The baby should be dressed only in a diaper and possibly even a hat if it’s chilly for him or her. The mother should have her chest bare and place the baby on top. A blanket can be used on top of the baby to keep them warm, if need be.

When babies are placed in this position immediately after being born and medicines were not used in labor, then mother nature will take its course and the baby will actually crawl to the mother’s breast after a while in order feed. Studies have even showed that babies who receive a lot of skin-to-skin contact are more likely to have successful breastfeeding relationships than those who do not get a lot of skin-to-skin contact.

The temperature of a mother’s chest will adjust to the baby’s needs. It has also been shown to have positive benefits on the baby’s blood sugars. It helps the newborns adjust to their new surrounding and remain more calm. The bonding benefits are also enormous as the baby feels secure. Even fathers, partners and other close family members and friends can get in on the skin-to-skin action too. When mother is taking a nap or perhaps recovering after a C-section, another person can take over for that period of time. This way the baby still feels the warmth of another human being, hears the steady heartbeat and can remain calm.

Skin-to-skin contact isn’t only for the moments after giving birth. This can take place every day, several times a day in fact, for months to come. Parents will be more tuned into their baby’s needs if they are in close contact throughout the day. The baby is also more likely to readily express when they are hungry and need to nurse. This way their needs are met right away, leaving baby feeling happy, nourished and loved. What baby wouldn’t want to snuggle up next to mom or dad and take a cozy nap on someone who loves them?

The birth of a new baby is a joyous occasion for many. However, it can also be stressful and a difficult transition as well. Some may experience baby blues for a few days or weeks, while others may experience postpartum depression.

What’s the difference between baby blues and postpartum depression?

Due to sleep deprivation and hormonal changes in the body many new mothers experience baby blues. Baby blues consists of feelings of sadness, accompanied by episodes of crying and sometimes anxiety. Baby blues can last for a couple weeks following the birth of a new baby. It’s important for a new mother who exhibits signs of the baby blues to talk about her feelings with someone. This way she can express her feelings and possibly receive help with the baby as well. These feelings are extremely common, and will typically go away after a couple of weeks.
However, for some women, the feelings of sadness and anxiety can turn into postpartum depression. The onset of postpartum depression can occur anytime during the first year after giving birth. This is usually coupled with feelings of unworthiness, helplessness and sometimes even anger. Postpartum depression lasts longer than the baby blues and the feelings are much more intense.

Mothers who experience such feelings should speak with a doctor, natural health practitioner or lactation specialist  to see what can be done to help with her symptoms. Some may prescribe medicines, some of which are compatible with breastfeeding. However, it’s important to let the doctor know if she is breastfeeding so that they are able to give her a drug that is safe for mother’s milk.

Not all mothers with postpartum depression choose drugs to combat their sadness. Exercise, a healthy diet and receiving support from others can have a positive effect on how the mother feels and interacts with her baby. Talking with a therapist can help her to express her feelings and find healthy ways to cope with the sadness. If at any time a mother feels like she is a danger or harm to herself or the baby, she should seek help immediately. There are plenty of resources and help available for those who suffer from postpartum depression and they should not have to combat their depression alone.

More info and resources on depression and breastfeeding:

The challenges of being a new mom

Breastfeeding helps prevent depression

Interview with breastfeeding and postpartum depression expert Kathleen Kendall-Tackett

World Breastfeeding Week (WBW) is an annual event that occurs the first week of August. The theme for the 2011 WBW is “Talk to me! Breastfeeding- a 3D experience”. The focus is on communication, whether that be face to face or through other means of communication such as the internet, social media and mobile phones. It also aims at reaching new audiences such as the fathers and teen parents. Around the world people are organizing events for WBW that celebrate breastfeeding mothers and spread the word about the benefits of breastfeeding.

To find out what kind of WBW events are occurring in your local area, check out the official WBW website to see what’s going on. http://worldbreastfeedingweek.org/ It is also a good resource to get you started on creating your own WBW event. There are free resources to download and use at your event.

A common even includes a celebration containing snacks, games and prizes. However, if you plan on doing this, be sure to start planning as soon as possible to get everything organized in time. You can then post your even on the WBW page.

Another large event taking place during WBW is the “Big Latch-On” which is a part of the La Leche League. You do not have to be part of the LLL itself in order to participate, however. What it entails is groups of breastfeeding mothers coming together and nursing their babies all at one given moment. The goal is to break the record for the most synchronized nursing mothers at one time in the United States. You can then enter your group’s record on their website to be counted in the figures. http://www.lllusa.org/wbw/

Be creative and think of something fun you can do with other nursing mothers in your area. If budget is a problem, you can simply have a picnic in the park or organize a play date in someone’s backyard. Invite others who can benefit from the celebration, including pregnant mothers who are undecided about how to feed their baby. Make it an all ages event and be sure to invite the fathers as well.

Most baby showers tend to not be very breastfeeding friendly. The games, decorations and even the presents seem to celebrate bottle feeding and formula use. The pregnant mother who is intent on breastfeeding is not supported in the way she deserves to be at a typical baby shower. With a few simple changes, however, a baby shower can be transformed into one that celebrates the act of breastfeeding and honors the natural, special bond between mother and baby.

photo credit: Pictures from Heather
When registering for items on a baby shower registry, be sure to think about what items will support you as a breastfeeding mother. Some of these items may include a nursing stool, nursing pillow, nursing pads, nursing bras, nursing clothing, nursing cover up, nipple cream, a soft cloth baby sling and breastfeeding tea.

While none of these items are totally necessary for a breastfeeding experience, they can come in handy, especially if you have loved ones who wish to purchase something for you that you will enjoy. If you choose to express your breast milk, consider adding a breast pump to the registry as well as storage bags and bottles that are designed for the breastfed baby with a slower flow and wider nipple.

As the host of the baby shower there are several things you can do to improve the breastfeeding friendliness of the event. You can avoid images of bottles on the invitations and decorations and instead focus on images such as teddy bears, rattles, rubber duckies and other baby items. When creating the games, such as a word search, you can leave out words like bottle and formula and instead include nursing or breastfeeding. You can even play a game about breastfeeding myths and facts. It can also bring awareness to breastfeeding to others in the room.
It’s likely that there will be other mothers with young babies attending the party. It’s a great idea to set up a breastfeeding room or station for those who feel uncomfortable nursing or pumping in front of others. A guest bedroom with a rocking chair and stool are nice. You can also let guests know in the invitation that this will be available as well as let them know the guest of honor will be breastfeeding and if possible, to bring gifts that honor this decision. Most of all, just have fun!

Armed with the right information, a father can be the biggest support in a new mother’s world, especially when it comes to breastfeeding.

photo credit: edenpictures

Some new fathers may not understand the importance of breastfeeding or are embarrassed to know more about it, but other men are very knowledgeable about breastfeeding and encourage their partners to nurse their babies.

A father may also feel unsure about how breastfeeding will affect his relationship with his partner. However, having the father’s support plays a major role in the success of breastfeeding for the mother and child. A pregnant woman is wise to involve her partner in the decision to breastfeed early on. This can help him become more accustomed to the idea and learn how to be a great support to his partner. Taking a breastfeeding class together during pregnancy is a great idea.

During pregnancy, the mother and father should sit down and discuss what it means to breastfeed and discuss issues that may be weighing one their minds. This might include sexual intimacy, bonding with the baby and how to be supportive during the breastfeeding journey. It is helpful to have a third party there that is knowledgeable about breastfeeding to answer any questions, such as a midwife or breastfeeding counselor. Personal issues can be discussed privately at a separate time, if need be.

It’s important for the father to know he can still bond with both the baby and the mother in beautiful, loving ways. Even though he isn’t the primary person involved with feeding the young infant, he can bond in many other ways.  Infant massage, skin-to-skin contact, bathtime, and reading to baby are excellent ways for dad to bond with the baby.

Parents who want to keep their relationship as a priority can still be intimate, however it’s a good idea to wait until mom is healed from childbirth and is able to get sufficient rest. This time varies from woman to woman. Good communication is the key. If a new mom is feeling exhausted, hormonal and “touched” out from caring for baby all day, she may need more time to get into the mood. It’s a good idea for her to explain to her husband that she isn’t rejecting HIM. Moms should remember that their husbands are also going through a vulnerable time emotionally after the birth of a new baby.

Some moms express their milk and hire a babysitter for a couple hours for the parents to get some alone time, but others find that they are uncomfortable doing so. A couple can find creative ways to still be loving and intimate with one another without leaving baby behind. One couple lit several candles on their dresser, placed baby in the carrier on the floor and let him coo and talk to the flickering lights while they enjoyed a romantic interlude!

The best thing dad can do is tell the mom how much he appreciates the gift she is giving their child through the act of  breastfeeding and not push her to feed the baby formula or bottles. He can take her water when she sits down to nurse, make her a cup of nursing tea or adjust her nursing pillow. These little touches can go a long way towards endearing a man to a woman. Just having the father by her side can make her feel loved and appreciated and most of all, supported.

Another way a father can support a breastfeeding mother is by running interference with her if others try to assert their opinions or undermine the nursing relationship. A nosy mother in law may have to be reminded that “We appreciate your experience and opinion, however, this is our baby and we have made a decision.” Keep in mind that some people have a problem with a breastfeeding mother simply because they were unable to nurse their own babies. Being compassionate is always a good idea, but a couple have to defend their boundaries from time to time also.