Breastfeeding is supposed to be a mutually enjoyable relationship. But sometimes, baby bites the breast that feeds her.

I recently went through this challenge with my nursing toddler. For several weeks I almost feared nursing her, anticipating a bite. While I wasn’t considering weaning her as she wasn’t ready and enjoyed nursing very much, I was worried each time I sat down to nurse her.

I’m not new to breastfeeding. This baby is my 5th breastfed child. And I’ve dealt with biting before. In fact all of my babies have attempted it, once or twice. I even had another determined biter, my 2nd baby, who otherwise was the sweetest, most easygoing of my babies!

Biting can be a bit confusing. Why would baby want to hurt mom?

Here are a few things I’ve learned about biting and how to bring it to an end, once and for all.

Figure out WHY baby is biting

This requires some sleuthing on mom’s part. Biting can come around teething time, or not. Sometimes it’s just an experiment in cause and effect… baby bites simply because s/he has learned how to. Some moms think that biting mean they have low milk supply, but I don’t believe that is true. I’ve nursed a few toddlers through pregnancies when my milk was almost nonexistent, and biting was never an issue then. I think moms get this idea because biting almost always happens near the end of the nursing session when the milk is flowing more slowly.

With older babies and toddlers, biting may simply be a way of getting mom’s attention. This was definitely the case with my youngest child. Too often, I was doing other things while nursing – multi tasking, if you will. And she missed my attention and let me know in no uncertain terms that she would have it!

Once I figured this out, I started looking her in the eyes more, rocking and talking to her while we nursed. I don’t have to do this every single time, and truly I might get antsy if I didn’t read an occasional book or email while nursing! However, I found that as long as I spent a couple of minutes focusing on her at the beginning of a nursing, she would be happy and not attempt to bite.

An advantage of paying close attention to baby while s/he nurses is that you can see a bite before it happens! My son, mentioned earlier, would literally get a twinkle in his eye right before he clamped down. My daughter would raise an eyebrow teasingly like Scarlett O’Hara before biting, almost as a challenge to me. I learned to look for that expression, and end the nursing session before baby made a chew toy out of me.

Some older babies are “done” nursing but don’t know how to nicely end the nursing session. As younger babies they often fell asleep and pulled away from the nipple, but they don’t do that much anymore. Consequently, they bite because they’re bored. If you suspect this, then be proactive and stop when you sense baby isn’t actively nursing (meaning sucking and swallowing).

And truly, a baby can’t bite if they’re actively nursing, because they would bite through their tongue. If baby is just “messing around” at the breast, end the nursing promptly. Be ready with a finger to slip into baby’s mouth to break the suction and protect sensitive breast tissue.

Don’t allow biting… but don’t overreact either

It’s only natural to jump or cry out if you’re bitten, especially if it’s the first time. Don’t let this happen often. Some babies enjoy the “show” and bite just to see your reaction. Other more sensitive babies may be so shocked and hurt (if their bite was accidental) at your display of emotion that they refuse to nurse for awhile. This is referred to as a “nursing strike” – which is no fun for mom or baby.

This doesn’t mean you should allow biting either. At the breast, your baby is learning about healthy relationships. As a newborn, when baby latched on incorrectly, causing you discomfort, you lovingly removed him from your nipple. In doing so, you were teaching him healthy boundaries and discipline. You knew it was best for both of you for him to be latched on properly, and you were unapologetic about repositioning him.

Now that your baby is older, don’t allow him to hurt you. If he bites once, tell him firmly “Ouch. Biting HURTS. Please be gentle.” And END THE FEEDING immediately. You don’t have to do so in a harsh way, but it’s ok to be firm with a toddler or a determined biter. You could also offer a teething toy or food that’s appropriate for his age, and tell baby it’s ok to bite THIS.

The only thing that ended biting with my son was this: I immediately removed him from the breast when he bit me. I sat him on the floor, and left the room for a moment or two. Essentially a “mommy time out”. I only had to do this a few times, and he got the message! He stopped biting, and I nursed him for a long time afterwards.

How have you handled biting? Any tips to share with other moms? Leave them in the comments below.

Do breastfed babies need cow’s milk?

Nope! There is nothing special about cow’s milk. It’s merely a convenient way for children to get calcium, protein, fats and vitamin D–all of which can be consumed from other sources. Your child’s calcium needs can also be met through broccoli, kale and other leafy greens, fortified nondairy milks (soy milk, rice milk, etc.), fortified OJ, blackstrap molasses, sesame seeds… and the list goes on.

Protein is included in most foods, especially beans, peas, tofu and meat. Fat can be obtained from oils and nut butters. Vitamin D comes from sunlight exposure and cod liver oil.

Cow’s milk is not necessary for a breastfed baby.

Breastmilk is much more nutritious than milk from a cow – and you can’t be allergic to human milk (although rarely your baby may react to proteins that show up in the milk, the most likely of which is dairy proteins).

After all, breastmilk was meant to nourish and sustain humans–not cows, who have drastically different nutritional needs.

So if your child hates cow’s milk or you choose not to provide it, there’s absolutely no need to feel guilty.

Your child wants to nurse. You want him to wean. What do you do?

If you want to move past the “don’t offer, don’t refuse” stage, try substituting a fun activity for nursing. Some babies want to nurse out of boredom. Give them something else to do. Read a book, give your child a sippy cup or some solid food, go outside, provide some non-nursing cuddle time, play with a favorite toy or go on an outing.

Some moms report that avoiding sitting down with baby in your lap helps. One mom said that when she spent three days entertaining her child and keeping lots of food and drink within easy reach and never sitting down, her child was weaned.

Don’t wait until your child is pleading to nurse before you offer distractions.

Try to anticipate one of his nursing sessions and engage him in an activity before he can tap your chest to nurse. Choose an unimportant breastfeeding session, not one at night or first thing in the morning. The most cherished nursing time (typically, first thing in the morning or before bed) is the last to go.

Eventually your child will lose interest in nursing (believe it or not).

“Don’t Offer, Don’t Refuse”

Weaning can be hard on a child. Think about it.

Are you a coffee lover? If you are, then imagine waking up and someone has taken your coffee pot away from you. And there’s no coffee shops in your neighborhood, either. Your body will crave caffeine and the comfort of the ritual of drinking coffee – there’s nothing you can do.

This is what your child may be going through.

Nursing is much more than nutrition—it’s also about comfort and relaxation.

It feels good for all involved. Therefore, your child may have a hard time with weaning.

“Don’t offer, don’t refuse” is a method of weaning that is based on your child’s needs. This method can take awhile, but your child still gets the benefits of nursing on demand. You don’t offer your breast but you don’t tell your child “no” when she wants to nurse. Many moms naturally follow this method as their children grow older.

Whatever method(s) of weaning you choose to follow, always consider your child’s feelings and needs. As much as you may want her to stop nursing, she may not be ready. “Don’t offer, don’t refuse” protects your child from the emotional upheavals common in abrupt or more active methods of weaning.

Road Trip With a Breastfed Baby:

If your baby or toddler is already eating solids, this can be an option for feeding him on the road. However, if he only drinks milk, you might want to pump milk ahead of time into bottles to feed him along the way. If you are the passenger, you can even pump into a bottle and feed him during the drive, if need be. Some babies do not take bottles at all and only drink from the breast. In this case, you’ll want to schedule in regular meals and snacks for your child by visiting rest stops to nurse him. Do not remove the baby from his car seat as you travel on the road, as this is both illegal and potentially dangerous.

Breastfeeding On An Airplane:

While it may be frowned upon by some people, it is perfectly legal to breastfeed your baby in public, and this includes during a flight. As a breastfeeding mother, you even have an advantage over those who use bottles, due to the strict liquid regulations. While bottles of formula and milk are now allowed onto planes, the milk in your breasts are not subject to search and are quite portable, making traveling easier for you. One tip you’ll want to try is breastfeeding your baby during takeoff and landing. This can reduce his fears of flying and reduces the chance of his ears popping, which can feel painful for a baby. While many people aren’t thrilled about having a baby near them in flight, breastfed babies typically make wonderful flying companions!

Taking along a baby sling can be a huge help when traveling with a baby, especially when going through busy airports. You can even nurse discreetly in the sling and noone will be the wiser. The sling also helps to comfort baby and reduce fussiness, as well as helping him nap when he’s tired.

Bottle Feeding

Breastfeeding while traveling and doing activities is certainly different than feeding at home. For many breastfeeding mothers, bottle feeding is a new concept. If you do plan on bottle-feeding your pumped milk on outings, be sure you have a cooler that can keep milk fresh as you are traveling and be sure to abide by the guidelines of how long milk should be kept. If you are planning on being away from the baby for a period of time, such as a day at the spa, then be sure to pump ahead of time for baby as well. This can also be an adjustment for baby as well and should be introduced to him days before your departure.

Taking care of yourself

Although vacation is designed to be fun, it can also be physically and mentally exhausting. There is a lot of moving around from place to place that occurs, as well as eating at new places and experiencing new things. It is also possible you will be nursing on a different schedule, which can be uncomfortable for you. To counteract this, be sure you are getting plenty of rest, fluids and nutrition. If you are breastfeeding at odd hours or less than usual, you might need to carry along a small pump with you (or pump by hand) to release some milk and give you some comfort. Take along breastfeeding items you may need, such as breast pads, lanolin or hot packs if your breast get sore. Vitamin B6 can also assist in tenderness. Vacations are a common time for moms to experience plugged ducts or mastitis. Baby is distracted and you may be nursing less. Be sure to take care of yourself so your vacation is relaxing.

Cut Out One Nursing Session at a Time

The weaning process can be slow—really slow. But this is okay. It’s best not  to set deadlines to have your baby weaned. Instead, when you (and your child) are losing interest in breastfeeding, focus on eliminating one nursing session at a time. Remember, baby steps. The slower, the better.

Start by cutting out the least important nursing session of the day.

You can either forgo it completely and offer your baby a distraction (reading a book, playing, a cup of water, etc.) or work on shortening that session down to nothing.

Aim to eliminate one feeding every 3 to 7 days. Many moms work on dropping one feeding a week.

Go at your child’s pace. If he’s happy and not too bothered by the decrease in breastfeeding, you know you’ve found your weaning cadence. If your baby is miserable, he might not be ready to wean, or at least not at the pace you’re aiming for.

Be Flexible

Weaning is best when done gradually. You may have heard of “child-led” weaning.

Child-led weaning is great because, obviously, you nurse until your child is developmentally and emotionally ready to stop.
photo credit: katedubya

But child-led is not strictly initiated by the child—moms (and dads) still play a major role in guiding their child through the weaning process.

With child-led weaning, you guide your child to seek out other means of comfort and nutrition besides breastfeeding, all the while taking your child’s pace and feelings in consideration.

Drop one nursing session at a time.

One nursing every four days, or more, is ideal for your body to adjust.

If your child is overly distraught and is pleading to nurse, let her.

Look for signs that weaning is going to fast for your child.

Signs may include clinginess, increased night waking, separation anxiety, refusal to eat, newfound thumb sucking or use of a pacifier, sudden biting or withdrawal. If you notice any of these signs, slow down and offer the breast.

Babies are on their own individual schedules. Therefore, don’t set a weaning deadline. Be flexible and patient. Weaning will happen when your child—and you—are ready.

Be Careful What You Wish For

If you’re like me, you know all the benefits of breastfeeding a toddler—the emotional attachment, the positive health aspects, the reduced risk of allergies, etc. You and your talking nursling may be an anomaly in society, but you don’t care. You know what you’re doing is right.

But still, there are days when you just can’t wait for your child to be weaned.

You know, those days. The days when your child is teething and wants to nurse around the clock. The days when your baby will sleep only when you nurse him to bed. Days when people nag you about breastfeeding a kid (who’s far from a baby).

But will weaning solve your problems?

Breastfeeding feels good—for you and your child. It’s a time to bond and relax. Think of how easy it is to calm a cranky toddler through nursing. Think about how cute your child is when she nurses then stops to give you a big grin.

photo credit: diluvi

Once breastfeeding is done, it’s pretty much done. Weaning is bittersweet.

So before you long for the supposed care-free days of being weaned, take a moment and enjoy the ride.

Your child will grow up soon enough and you’re be longingly looking back on the days when your baby would sit still in your lap, nurse and give you that calming feeling.

Enjoy it while it lasts.

Three Pieces of Breastfeeding Advice to Ignore — Bad Advice #3:

“Babies shouldn’t breastfeed beyond [six months, one year, etc]. Mothers who nurse their toddlers are doing it more for themselves than for their babies.”

There is nothing wrong with breastfeeding toddlers—literally.

The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) claim there’s no evidence of psychological or developmental harm in babies who breastfeed beyond age one.

Extended nursing has benefits. Research shows that babies over a year old still receive substantial amounts of nutrients from breastmilk. Even though toddlers need nutrition from solid foods, breastmilk is still a valuable part of their diet, providing high amounts of vitamin B12, vitamin A, folate, vitamin C and protein. The composition of milk even changes to fit baby’s growing needs.

Even though the sight of nursing toddlers isn’t at the forefront of society, extended breastfeeding isn’t extreme. The AAP recommends breastfeeding for at least a year and longer as mutually desired by mama and child and the World Health Organization urges moms to nurse for at least two years.

Extended nursing isn’t a selfish act. Sure breastfeeding is relieving for mom but, really, is there a mom who’d force her toddler to nurse just so she can “baby” him? Would that even be possible?

Worldwide, the median age of weaning is 4.2 years. While this may seem odd to our Western ears, it shows that other cultures have different ideas about how long babies and toddlers need to nurse. Let’s look at a few of the reasons why moms may decide to breastfeed her toddler.

photo credit: Alexander Tundakov

Enjoying the Nursing Relationship
Sometimes a mom is enjoying the benefits of nursing her infant and the closeness of the relationship, and doesn’t want that to stop just because the baby has turned one year old. The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends breastfeeding “for one year or until mutually desirable”. The World Health Organization (WHO) recommends two years of breastfeeding.

Nutritional Benefits
The nutritional benefits of mother’s milk does not expire! Toddlers receive many of the same benefits that infants do from nursing, and the miraculous thing is that mom’s milk changes to meet the needs of the growing baby. Toddlers get a lot of good nutrition from mom’s milk even when they are eating a wide variety of solid foods. This is especially comforting to a mom whose child refuses solids. This does not happen because baby is still nursing. That is a myth. Picky toddlers are often allergic children whose bodies are telling them to wait.

Immune System Benefits
Experts tell us that a baby’s immune system is not fully developed until he is 2 years old. Others say it’s 7 years! To be sure, toddlers are exposing themselves to a lot of things once they are walking around exploring their world. Breastmilk still helps protect them from illness. Many moms of nursing toddlers have been thankful for their tot taking in breast milk when they refuse other foods during sicknesses. This is especially important when toddlers have diarrhea or vomiting and dehydration can be life threatening. Since breast milk is to easily and quickly digested, a toddler can stay hydrated and nourished even when he’s ill.

What’s more, breastfed infants and toddlers are less likely to have adverse vaccine reactions.

Discipline
What in the world does nursing have to do with discipline? Experienced moms say plenty! Toddlers are encountering new and scary and exciting experiences every day. Being able to come back to mom’s lap and the familiarity of her breast, along with the comfort of sucking, can help him manage the changes he’s going through better. Toddlers who feel better behave better. Many nursing moms have been thankful for the calming effect of breastfeeding – both for them and their toddler.

Breastfeeding a toddler can be challenging at times. Toddlers have to learn more about boundaries and limits at this age, including getting the message that mom has feelings too! Nursing is a good place to start teaching a toddler the rules of give and take.