Breastfeeding is supposed to be a mutually enjoyable relationship. But sometimes, baby bites the breast that feeds her.

I recently went through this challenge with my nursing toddler. For several weeks I almost feared nursing her, anticipating a bite. While I wasn’t considering weaning her as she wasn’t ready and enjoyed nursing very much, I was worried each time I sat down to nurse her.

I’m not new to breastfeeding. This baby is my 5th breastfed child. And I’ve dealt with biting before. In fact all of my babies have attempted it, once or twice. I even had another determined biter, my 2nd baby, who otherwise was the sweetest, most easygoing of my babies!

Biting can be a bit confusing. Why would baby want to hurt mom?

Here are a few things I’ve learned about biting and how to bring it to an end, once and for all.

Figure out WHY baby is biting

This requires some sleuthing on mom’s part. Biting can come around teething time, or not. Sometimes it’s just an experiment in cause and effect… baby bites simply because s/he has learned how to. Some moms think that biting mean they have low milk supply, but I don’t believe that is true. I’ve nursed a few toddlers through pregnancies when my milk was almost nonexistent, and biting was never an issue then. I think moms get this idea because biting almost always happens near the end of the nursing session when the milk is flowing more slowly.

With older babies and toddlers, biting may simply be a way of getting mom’s attention. This was definitely the case with my youngest child. Too often, I was doing other things while nursing – multi tasking, if you will. And she missed my attention and let me know in no uncertain terms that she would have it!

Once I figured this out, I started looking her in the eyes more, rocking and talking to her while we nursed. I don’t have to do this every single time, and truly I might get antsy if I didn’t read an occasional book or email while nursing! However, I found that as long as I spent a couple of minutes focusing on her at the beginning of a nursing, she would be happy and not attempt to bite.

An advantage of paying close attention to baby while s/he nurses is that you can see a bite before it happens! My son, mentioned earlier, would literally get a twinkle in his eye right before he clamped down. My daughter would raise an eyebrow teasingly like Scarlett O’Hara before biting, almost as a challenge to me. I learned to look for that expression, and end the nursing session before baby made a chew toy out of me.

Some older babies are “done” nursing but don’t know how to nicely end the nursing session. As younger babies they often fell asleep and pulled away from the nipple, but they don’t do that much anymore. Consequently, they bite because they’re bored. If you suspect this, then be proactive and stop when you sense baby isn’t actively nursing (meaning sucking and swallowing).

And truly, a baby can’t bite if they’re actively nursing, because they would bite through their tongue. If baby is just “messing around” at the breast, end the nursing promptly. Be ready with a finger to slip into baby’s mouth to break the suction and protect sensitive breast tissue.

Don’t allow biting… but don’t overreact either

It’s only natural to jump or cry out if you’re bitten, especially if it’s the first time. Don’t let this happen often. Some babies enjoy the “show” and bite just to see your reaction. Other more sensitive babies may be so shocked and hurt (if their bite was accidental) at your display of emotion that they refuse to nurse for awhile. This is referred to as a “nursing strike” – which is no fun for mom or baby.

This doesn’t mean you should allow biting either. At the breast, your baby is learning about healthy relationships. As a newborn, when baby latched on incorrectly, causing you discomfort, you lovingly removed him from your nipple. In doing so, you were teaching him healthy boundaries and discipline. You knew it was best for both of you for him to be latched on properly, and you were unapologetic about repositioning him.

Now that your baby is older, don’t allow him to hurt you. If he bites once, tell him firmly “Ouch. Biting HURTS. Please be gentle.” And END THE FEEDING immediately. You don’t have to do so in a harsh way, but it’s ok to be firm with a toddler or a determined biter. You could also offer a teething toy or food that’s appropriate for his age, and tell baby it’s ok to bite THIS.

The only thing that ended biting with my son was this: I immediately removed him from the breast when he bit me. I sat him on the floor, and left the room for a moment or two. Essentially a “mommy time out”. I only had to do this a few times, and he got the message! He stopped biting, and I nursed him for a long time afterwards.

How have you handled biting? Any tips to share with other moms? Leave them in the comments below.

Including this one by Amy at Crunchy Domestic Goddess who says extended nursing is more common than you may think. One of the reasons this is so is because many nursing moms engage in “closet nursing”, especially once their kids cross over into an age that our peers think is too old. Generally this happens after the one year mark, but can happen even earlier.

When I was a kid, I was close to a woman who nursed her older children. I babysat for her and since she was older than me and such a “cool mom”, I really admired her. I also dated a young man who was famous among his friends for having nursed until 5 – the oldest person I had ever known. Then I observed my sister nurse her toddlers, so it seemed like no big deal to me to let a child wean on their own.

When I had my own kids, I didn’t “set out” to nurse for an extended period of time, it just happened that way. It seemed like an ideal way to meet the child’s need for comfort, soothing, whatever.

And I was always VERY grateful when an older toddler fell ill and was still nursing.

One reason is because toddlers often refuse food when they’re sick. If they’re still nursing, even if they vomit or have diarrhea, there is typically litttle worry about dehydration, and the milk they keep down is highly nutritious. Often an older child will revert to exclusive nursing when they’re ill. It was comforting to me and the child to be able to meet their needs in this way.

Hopefully, at some time in the future it will become more acceptable in our society to practice extended nursing – and more moms will come out of the closet. Until then, we are powerful when we simply live our lives doing what we feel is best.

Science certainly is on our side, as Amy’s post points out above. People who study such things (anthropologists and the like) say that our teeth show that humans are probably meant to nurse for several years, not months. And indeed this is common practice in much of the world, even today. Worldwide the median age for weaning is 4.2. When women aren’t told “what to do” by outside authorities, they seem to have no problem nursing for years.

No closet needed.