Tips for Gradual Weaning – Tip #4:
Replace One Comfort with Another

Your child wants to nurse. You want him to wean. What do you do?

If you want to move past the “don’t offer, don’t refuse” stage, try substituting a fun activity for nursing. Some babies want to nurse out of boredom. Give them something else to do. Read a book, give your child a sippy cup or some solid food, go outside, provide some non-nursing cuddle time, play with a favorite toy or go on an outing.

Some moms report that avoiding sitting down with baby in your lap helps. One mom said that when she spent three days entertaining her child and keeping lots of food and drink within easy reach and never sitting down, her child was weaned.

Don’t wait until your child is pleading to nurse before you offer distractions.

Try to anticipate one of his nursing sessions and engage him in an activity before he can tap your chest to nurse. Choose an unimportant breastfeeding session, not one at night or first thing in the morning. The most cherished nursing time (typically, first thing in the morning or before bed) is the last to go.

Eventually your child will lose interest in nursing (believe it or not).

“Don’t Offer, Don’t Refuse”

Weaning can be hard on a child. Think about it.

Are you a coffee lover? If you are, then imagine waking up and someone has taken your coffee pot away from you. And there’s no coffee shops in your neighborhood, either. Your body will crave caffeine and the comfort of the ritual of drinking coffee – there’s nothing you can do.

This is what your child may be going through.

Nursing is much more than nutrition—it’s also about comfort and relaxation.

It feels good for all involved. Therefore, your child may have a hard time with weaning.

“Don’t offer, don’t refuse” is a method of weaning that is based on your child’s needs. This method can take awhile, but your child still gets the benefits of nursing on demand. You don’t offer your breast but you don’t tell your child “no” when she wants to nurse. Many moms naturally follow this method as their children grow older.

Whatever method(s) of weaning you choose to follow, always consider your child’s feelings and needs. As much as you may want her to stop nursing, she may not be ready. “Don’t offer, don’t refuse” protects your child from the emotional upheavals common in abrupt or more active methods of weaning.

Cut Out One Nursing Session at a Time

The weaning process can be slow—really slow. But this is okay. It’s best not  to set deadlines to have your baby weaned. Instead, when you (and your child) are losing interest in breastfeeding, focus on eliminating one nursing session at a time. Remember, baby steps. The slower, the better.

Start by cutting out the least important nursing session of the day.

You can either forgo it completely and offer your baby a distraction (reading a book, playing, a cup of water, etc.) or work on shortening that session down to nothing.

Aim to eliminate one feeding every 3 to 7 days. Many moms work on dropping one feeding a week.

Go at your child’s pace. If he’s happy and not too bothered by the decrease in breastfeeding, you know you’ve found your weaning cadence. If your baby is miserable, he might not be ready to wean, or at least not at the pace you’re aiming for.

Be Flexible

Weaning is best when done gradually. You may have heard of “child-led” weaning.

Child-led weaning is great because, obviously, you nurse until your child is developmentally and emotionally ready to stop.
photo credit: katedubya

But child-led is not strictly initiated by the child—moms (and dads) still play a major role in guiding their child through the weaning process.

With child-led weaning, you guide your child to seek out other means of comfort and nutrition besides breastfeeding, all the while taking your child’s pace and feelings in consideration.

Drop one nursing session at a time.

One nursing every four days, or more, is ideal for your body to adjust.

If your child is overly distraught and is pleading to nurse, let her.

Look for signs that weaning is going to fast for your child.

Signs may include clinginess, increased night waking, separation anxiety, refusal to eat, newfound thumb sucking or use of a pacifier, sudden biting or withdrawal. If you notice any of these signs, slow down and offer the breast.

Babies are on their own individual schedules. Therefore, don’t set a weaning deadline. Be flexible and patient. Weaning will happen when your child—and you—are ready.

Why Sudden Weaning is a Bad Idea—for Baby

It’s often said that nursing is a two-way street. In order for breastfeeding to succeed, both mom and baby have to be happy with the current arrangements. Usually, baby is perfectly content but it’s mom who’s about to crack.

Babies don’t view breastfeeding as just a way to get nutrition—it’s also highly comforting to them, building the basis of a strong emotional bond.

Nursing is safety and babies come to rely on it for emotional stability. That’s why sudden weaning can be so hard on a child. The comfort they have grown accustomed to have suddenly vanished and your baby is left confused and fretful.

Weaning is a learning process.

And as with any other learning process, change happens gradually, with guidance. Babies must be guided to replace nursing with healthy snacks, playing, or some snuggle time. Gradual weaning eases baby of the breast to explore other ways of comforting and nutrition.

Depending on your baby’s age, sudden weaning may go against worldwide and national breastfeeding guidelines. The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) recommends breastfeeding for at least one year and the World Health Organization (WHO) encourages nursing for at least two years.

Since nursing – even the older baby or toddler – provides your little one with protection against illness, sudden weaning often means your baby will get sick. And when they do become ill, they will be more seriously ill.

Breastfed infants are rarely ill when exclusively nursing, and when they are, the illness is usually milder and more short lived than other members of the family. Having to deal with a sick baby who is also anxious because of the sudden weaning can be very stressful for a mom.

It’s ok to set limits with breastfeeding. If you need more rest, or “want your body back”, cut one one feeding every few days.

This gradual adjustment will be easier for you and your little one. Remember to replace the lost nursing with extra cuddling, carrying and physical contact with you and the baby’s father.

Your baby will also need extra nourishment and fluids to replace the lost nutrition. Be sure to talk with your baby’s health care provider about their nutritional needs.

Be Careful What You Wish For

If you’re like me, you know all the benefits of breastfeeding a toddler—the emotional attachment, the positive health aspects, the reduced risk of allergies, etc. You and your talking nursling may be an anomaly in society, but you don’t care. You know what you’re doing is right.

But still, there are days when you just can’t wait for your child to be weaned.

You know, those days. The days when your child is teething and wants to nurse around the clock. The days when your baby will sleep only when you nurse him to bed. Days when people nag you about breastfeeding a kid (who’s far from a baby).

But will weaning solve your problems?

Breastfeeding feels good—for you and your child. It’s a time to bond and relax. Think of how easy it is to calm a cranky toddler through nursing. Think about how cute your child is when she nurses then stops to give you a big grin.

photo credit: diluvi

Once breastfeeding is done, it’s pretty much done. Weaning is bittersweet.

So before you long for the supposed care-free days of being weaned, take a moment and enjoy the ride.

Your child will grow up soon enough and you’re be longingly looking back on the days when your baby would sit still in your lap, nurse and give you that calming feeling.

Enjoy it while it lasts.

How to Tell When Your Baby is Ready to Wean

All children wean eventually and at their own pace. How can you tell if your child is ready?

First off, realize the weaning process starts when you’ve offered your baby that first spoonful of solid food. Weaning doesn’t refer to the day your child stops drinking breastmilk—rather, think of weaning as a process similar to learning how to walk.

photo credit: James Jordan

You may think you child is initiating weaning because she suddenly refuses to nurse.

Natural weaning is rarely abrupt.

Your child is probably going through a nursing strike for a few days. Active weaning should happen when your child and/or you are losing interest in nursing.

Remember that breastfeeding is a two-way street. If your child is drinking from a cup and is more interested in solid foods, try dropping an unimportant nursing session and see what happens. If your child is OK with the reduction in nursing, then you’re proceeding with the right pace. Wait awhile and drop another session until your baby is completely weaned. If your baby protests, consider pushing off active weaning until your child is older.

Above all, use guidance, understanding and love. Follow your instincts and listen to your baby’s cues.

Tips for Mother-Led Weaning

Weaning, like walking, is a developmental milestone that all babies eventually accomplish. How soon your baby weans depends on your and your baby’s attitudes toward nursing.
photo credit: James Jordan

According to the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP), babies should be breastfed for at least one year and beyond as mutually desired. The World Health Organization recommends infants be breastfed for at least 2 years.

Don’t assume you have to wean your baby by a certain age. Weaning is a major transition that can be hard on babies, especially young ones.

If you have to wean a younger baby, whether for medical or personal reasons, do it gradually and with love.

Mother-led weaning isn’t an all-or-nothing approach. You can begin introducing solid food in your baby’s diet between 4 to 6 months of age. (Wait until 6 to 9 months if your family has a history of allergies.) Add solid foods gradually while also giving your baby breastmilk or formula. If your baby’s under a year old and you want her off breastmilk completely, then gradually replace breastmilk with formula—not cow’s milk.

Pay attention to your baby’s feeding schedule and cut out any unimportant nursing sessions. Weaning occurs when nursing sessions are slowly dropped, one at a time over a longer period of time.

Make sure to give your baby plenty of uninterrupted cuddle time to make up for any loss of physical contact. If your baby is miserable, you may have to stretch the weaning process out for a longer period of time than you originally intended or wait until your baby’s older.

Good question. Babies go through stages and sometimes you may think your little one is ready to stop nursing. One of these issues is called a nursing strike.

For instance:

You have a 9 month old baby who hasn’t shown any interest in nursing for the past few days. Is your baby already trying to wean himself? Before you consider yourself lucky (or unlucky, depending on how you view the situation), take a moment and examine the situation:

Is your baby really initiating the weaning process? Or is he going through something else—say, a nursing strike?

It’s not uncommon for a mom to proclaim that her 10 month old baby weaned herself with no outside help; however, it’s rare for a baby under 18 to 24 months to truly self-wean.

If your child is under a year old and hasn’t shown much interest in solid food or drinking from a cup but has stopped breastfeeding, he’s probably on a nursing strike. Nursing strikes are a way for your baby to tell you something’s wrong.

S/he may have mouth pain from teething, an ear infection, a sore throat, is for some reason too distracted to nurse, have a stuffy nose that makes breastfeeding difficult, feel ignored, or is reacting to a food sensitivity from your diet.

If you want breastfeeding to continue, minimize any distractions and keep offering the breast. Express milk and give it to your baby via a spoon or cup, not a bottle. You’ll know your baby is getting enough to eat when your baby has 6 to 8 wet cloth diapers (or 5 to 6 wet disposable diapers) a day. Nursing strikes last an average of 2 to 4 days.

Some mothers choose to wean their babies at a predetermined time (perhaps at one year of age), or when life circumstances seem to warrant it (such as a new pregnancy).

But most of the time, weaning can be a gradual, natural process where a baby or young child grows away from the need to breastfeed. It is more comfortable this way for mom and baby. Technically, weaning begins when the first solid food is offered.

In this series of posts, we’re going to talk about why weaning your baby gradually is the best advice, for both baby and mom.

Why Sudden Weaning is a Bad Idea—for Mom

Is sudden weaning really the solution to your problems? Moms who’ve “had it” with breastfeeding often think the best way to wean is by stopping “cold turkey.”

But, unless it’s absolutely medically necessary, this may not be a great idea—at all. Aside from the emotional toll it can take on a child, sudden weaning is, literally, a pain for mom.

Breasts make milk on a supply-and-demand basis. Your breasts won’t have time to adjust if your baby is nursing six times one day and the next day you decide to cut nursing out completely.

Sudden weaning can painfully engorge your breasts, leading to plugged ducts that may result in a breast abscess or infection.

You could even get mastitis.

Sudden weaning also will cause a sudden drop in hormones, making you feel moody or depressed.

Re-consider the desire to suddenly wean your baby. The best way to wean is gradually, with love. Gradual weaning helps your milk flow adjust accordingly and your body adjust to new hormone levels.

Later we’ll talk about why gradual weaning is better for your baby.